It's a big world out there!

I didn't realize how sheltered I am until tonight. I came to the shocking realization that life is going on all around me. Exciting and new things, a wealth of knowledge and culture. I started a class tonight. It runs for 11 weeks every Tuesday and Thursday night from 6-9. It is a breath of fresh air to experience the world. Did you know that other people do other things than raise children? People are busy working and joining groups and being engaged. They don't all stay home and cook and do dishes and clean up diarrhea. The class I am taking is on tax preparation. I have always enjoyed this, I think because I like getting money from the government. My text books look exciting (not really) and consist of about 2,000 pages, which I will be tested on at the end of the course. I also have homework, scary, it has been a long time. Okay so one of the men in my class is a refugee from Sierra Leone. This is so exciting because I just finished reading this fabulous book "A long way gone" and watched Blood Diamond (I know it is R but I just couldn't help myself after reading this book). I spent every spare second tonight peppering this man with questions about things he probably wanted to forget. His wife, sister, brother and a parent I believe were all killed in the conflict. He escaped to Guinea and then came to the states 4 years ago. Absolutely incredible that things like this are going on in the world and I know nothing about it, until now. My life is shallow and small and I want to change that. I was asking him all about the organization they have in Utah for refugee's of Sierra Leone. I am hoping I will be able to find a way to contribute in some small way to these people. I was thinking of you Doug as I spoke with him. I know you are teaching this book this semester and thought his insights on the war (probably not the sentence structure) might be of some use. I think we should all get out of our comfort zone more, don't you?

p.s. who won the election?

Mayoral Elections

I watched the debate on Fox today. Did anyone else? What did you think? I am still undecided on who is the best candidate. I think Jenny Wilson and Dave Buhler shot themselves in the foot today. I believe Keith Christensen is more of a one man show (he is all about running the city as a business - I can't remember the term he kept using). I like Ralph Becker but he has a few black marks. He doesn't support the skyway. I know nothing about the skyway except that the church wants it, is that reason enough to want it too? Andy thinks so. He also is against vouchers. Vouchers were a major accomplishment in the last two sessions. They allow so many of our communities Autistic kids to go to Pingree without the exuberant cost. I really don't care about any of the other private schools, just about Autism. Selfish of me isn't it? Are those two negatives enough for me not to vote for an otherwise great candidate? Could vouchers continue on even without the Mayors support? I am not very familiar with the politics involved here. Overall I believe Ralph to be a methodical thinker who will actually accomplish his goals. He is well thought out and seems generally interested in the public's input. I like that. Gee, I can't wait for the presidential debates to start. Another question. How do you feel about the church closing the stores on it's properties on Sunday and not allowing liquor in it's stores? It seems like it is a mall with lots of restaurants, who is going to agree to these policies and rent their space? I don't know of any mall that is closed on Sunday and very few people want restaurants that don't offer some alcohol. I would be interested in everyone's view.
Side note. Andy wants me to let you know he has started his own blog. He got tired of not being able to put what he wanted on mine so he got his own. Please feel free to check it out. Also, if you read this please comment. Anyone can, even you Dave. :)

Why me God?

It is the classic question. I have not asked it many times in my short life but sometimes it just seems like I can't get away from it. I have read all of your blogs. So sweet and full of nice sentiments about your families and life. Kristen talks about the priesthood, Brooke about her love of baking and pumpkin, Katie talks about how much she loves her little girl (and the wolves). What is wrong with me? I feel like I am consistently negative. Sure sometimes I can laugh, but sometimes I am just depressed. It has been a rotten week. The only good part about it in fact is that it has been so bad that now I have no reservation in sending Luke to school and Evie to preschool. When I talk about what has happened I always think back and say "Well that wasn't so bad, those were just a few little moments in a long week." But it doesn't help. I love my children and every time I hold them I love them like I might never get to hold them again. At the same time I don't think I was cut out to be their mother. I really believe I might need to be institutionalized. On that note I will embrace, reluctantly, that my life will never be like yours.
On Monday I went to Sam's Club to pick up a few things. I took all three kids, which I try to avoid at all cost. The first time Luke went missing, It didn't even faze me. I looked for 15 minutes before I finally went to Customer Service for help. "CODE ADAM" they announced over the intercom and all the employees went running around looking for my little boy. It was embarrassing and I have thick skin. When Luke went missing the second time in the same trip to the store I was bound and determined not to ask for help. I looked and looked. He was nowhere. Finally one of the associates saw me without him and asked "Is he missing again?" She helped me look and the search got wider with more people involved. We checked the bathrooms, the closets, the back rooms, everywhere. Half and hour later there was still no Luke. I was in tears and truth be known (this was a scary realization of how desensitized I am) I was not crying because I was worried about my son, I was crying because I was so dang mortified and hated the looks people were giving me, the mother, who lost her son....Twice. The whole store went out on a search, as everything had already been checked multiple times to no avail. Finally I hear "What is that child doing up there?" Luke had climbed up to the top shelf, up to a play set on display and had disappeared in side. "I was hiding from you mom!" Was all he said. I put a dog leash on around his waist and listened to him scream the rest of the way out of the store. (He sounded a little like golam when Sam puts the rope around his neck) He had been hiding from me about 40 feet off the floor. Nice.
The rest of the week had it's normal ups and downs. As part of our nightly ritual Luke grabs a flashlight and heads out to the chicken coop to say goodnight to the chickens. He must climb inside the coop to do this because he likes to rock each one and sing them "Rock-abye-baby". After about 10 minutes I was tired of waiting and took Evie inside. I sent Andy outside a little while later to check on him. He was screaming on the ground. Apparently he had fallen out of the chicken coop and scratched his cornea. His eye has been swollen shut for several days now.
Yesterday was the kicker. We went to Swiss days up in Heber. Last year we lost him twice, so this year we made him wear his dog leash. He hated it and fought and screamed, learned how to get it off and would run. I decided to put it on his shirt tag and tie him to the tree for a bit so I could eat. (How inhumane!) He just ripped his tag out of his shirt. I was tired by the end of the day. We left early, stopping at the port-a-potties on the way out. Luke went in a stall and I went in one. When I came out Andy still hadn't seen Luke. I banged on the door, no answer. I was sure it was him so I tried to jimmy the door open. The maintenance guy said jokingly. "Hope he didn't fall in!" I opened the door to find two feet sticking out of the toilet hole. Luke had been reaching in to grab the poops and put them in the urinal. Why? We still don't know. I remember thinking "I wish I had my camera, this would have made a great picture for my blog." Andy was worried he could have drowned. I was not so concerned, it wasn't too deep he would have just had a nice swim and we would have come in to find his head and not his feet sticking through the toilet hole. At this point I just gave up. Why even bother trying to live a normal life anymore?
Andy said as soon as we got to the car. "If I hadn't just pulled my son out of a toilet I might have considered having another baby." We'll see. Pray for my sanity please.